Co-parenting after a divorce can be challenging, even for the most communicative and collaborative spouses. The transition from a shared household to separate ones often brings unexpected difficulties as coparents move in different directions. This is where a clear parenting agreement becomes invaluable.
A well-thought-out agreement can provide structure, reduce conflicts and ensure that both parents remain actively involved in their children’s lives. It generally covers parental responsibilities and parenting time. From the perspective of an attorney with nearly 30 years of experience helping parents negotiate these agreements, the more detail you can include at the beginning the smoother things will go in the future.
Custody and visitation in Illinois
In Illinois, the terms “parental responsibilities” and “parenting time” have replaced the traditional terms custody and visitation in parenting agreements:
- Parental responsibilities encompass the significant decision-making responsibilities regarding the child. It includes decisions about the child’s education, healthcare, religious upbringing and extracurricular activities.
- Parenting time refers to the time a parent spends with their child. This term emphasizes the importance of both parents being actively involved in their child’s life. Parenting time includes the daily care and supervision of the child during the time they are with each parent.
By using these terms, Illinois law aims to focus on the child’s best interests and the active roles both parents play in their upbringing. While they sound similar they refer to different parts of the parenting agreement.
What attorneys know about parenting agreements that can benefit divorcing couples
While mediating a divorce in Cook County or working to create a simple collaborative agreement might seem straightforward, especially with resources like the Family Court Services Mediation, creating a detailed and precise parenting agreement from the outset is vital. This foresight can reduce the stresses and unknowns that come with co-parenting, and can prevent the need for modifications of the agreement down the road.
Our family attorneys at O'Connor Family Law, P.C., work with parents who have a wide range of different relationships after separating. Some have little to no communication while others remain amicable and cordial years after a divorce. Regardless of their relationship, as their lives proceed down different paths many parents may find it harder to compromise or see eye to eye. Lives change, and so do priorities. The best time to make decisions on key issues and make agreements on the important details is while you are on relatively good terms.
Considerations For Parenting Time And Parental Responsibility Agreements
Some key matters that comprehensive parenting plans typically address include:
- Custody arrangements: This includes both legal custody (decision-making authority regarding the child’s welfare, education, healthcare, etc.) and physical custody (where the child will live).
- Visitation schedules: Detailed plans for when the child will be with each parent, including weekdays, weekends, holidays and vacations.
- Communication guidelines: How parents will communicate with each other regarding the child and how the child will communicate with the non-custodial parent.
- Decision-making: These are the processes for making major decisions about the child’s education, health care, extracurricular activities and religious upbringing.
- Transportation and exchange logistics: Arrangements for picking up and dropping off the child, including who is responsible and where exchanges will take place, can be frustrating if the coparents aren’t on the same page.
- Financial responsibilities: It’s best to clarify each parent’s child support obligations and how they handle other expenses related to the child (such as education or extracurricular activities).
- Conflict resolution: It’s helpful to have mechanisms for resolving disagreements between parents, possibly including mediation or counseling.
- Modifications and review: How the plan can be reviewed and modified as the child ages and circumstances change for them or their parents.
- Healthcare and insurance: It’s key to determine which parent will provide health insurance and how they share related medical costs.
- Parental relocation: Guidelines for what happens if one parent needs to move to a different city or state for work.
All decisions should be made in the best interests of the child while acknowledging parents’ rights and outside obligations, such as work. Effective parenting plans minimize conflict and provide stability for the child and family, ensuring both parents remain actively involved in their child’s life.
Common mistakes in a poorly drafted parenting agreement
Creating a parenting plan can be complex, and parents trying to figure it out themselves will often make mistakes. Here are some of the most frequent pitfalls:
- Failing to put the child’s needs first: One of the biggest mistakes is focusing more on the parents’ preferences than the child’s needs. The primary goal should be to create an arrangement that supports the child’s emotional, educational and social well-being.
- Being vague: Vague agreements can lead to confusion, and confusion can lead to conflict. For example, simply stating that one parent will have the child “every other weekend” without specifying times can cause misunderstandings. It’s better to be specific about the schedule, including exact times for pick-ups and drop-offs.
- Overlooking details: Important details like holiday schedules, birthdays, transportation arrangements and handling unexpected events (e.g., a child’s illness) are often overlooked.
- No avenue for communication: Successful co-parenting requires clear communication. Many agreements fail to outline how parents will stay in touch about their child’s needs and other updates. Options include texts, emails, phone calls or parenting apps.
- Being too rigid: While specificity is important, being too rigid can also be problematic. Life is unpredictable, and there will be times when both sides will need flexibility. Agreements should allow for some adjustments without requiring court intervention for minor changes.
- Not planning for dispute resolution: Disputes are inevitable, but running to court for every disagreement is impractical. Including a dispute resolution process, such as mediation, negotiation or counseling, can help parents resolve conflicts more amicably.
Consulting with an experienced attorney can help avoid these mistakes and ensure the agreement is comprehensive and legally sound.
The two-year wait for the first modification
In Illinois, there is typically a two-year modification rule for parenting agreements. This means that the allocation of parental responsibilities cannot change within two years of the original order unless circumstances change significantly. This rule underscores the importance of getting the agreement right from the start.
Why You Want to Consult an Attorney Before Finalizing Agreements
One of the top reasons parents end up in disputes after divorce is mistakes in the initial parenting and the little things that get forgotten and become stressors. Consulting a parenting time attorney before finalizing a parenting agreement is crucial. Lawyers at O'Connor Family Law, P.C., for example, have extensive knowledge of the law, the judges, and the nuances of many specialized cases. They can provide insights into considerations that might not be immediately obvious but are essential for a smooth co-parenting experience.
Family law attorneys can help ensure that the agreement is comprehensive and legally sound. They can also assist in mediating any disputes that arise during the drafting process, allowing parents to reach a mutually agreeable solution. Additionally, having a lawyer involved can provide peace of mind, knowing that the agreement is enforceable and in the child’s best interests.